Last year I sold my full face go kart helmet, which I had been keeping even though I had stopped racing for so many years. Before I sold it, I asked myself why it was so difficult to make myself part with it. I knew I would not be racing again. I knew my children wouldn’t wear it even if they share the same passion – no, not with that smell and outdated styling.
So why did I keep it? Must be for sentimental reasons. I think I know why. I was holding on to this image of whom I thought I was. I wanted my children to know that their father had passion for car racing and the helmet was the proof. I wanted to remind myself how wonderful track driving was and the helmet was the reminder. But the helmet was sitting there occupying space and never made me happy since I last wore it. In fact, it hurt me more that I had to store it, and checked on it every now and then to ensure it didn’t turn into animal bedding. It was costing me space, time, money and energy – physically and mentally. Trust me, it wasn’t sentimental. It was hypocrisy.
I decided it was time to let go. Not just the helmet, but the fake image that came with it. The pretentious me, myself, I.
I even sold, giveaway and donate my miniature cars that I passionately collected, because the longer I kept them, the more I wanted to collect. And unfulfilled wants would only make you depressed.
I let go some books as well, because they were not read. I never had pleasure reading them, and keeping them would only bring out the fake image of a well-versed intelligent person – as if I wanted to show off when visitors came by.
After all the letting go, I began to understand that those things that I thought I owned actually owned me. I now live with minimal possession and clutter. I am liberated. I am happier. Happy that I am slowly disowned by my stuff. Happy that I am killing all images that I was trying to build of myself. Happy that I discovered a new need – the need to annihilate the self to be selfless.
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