Say Goodbye to Yourself

Do you think what you wear, what you drive, what you buy, what you keep is an extension of your personality?

Have you ever accepted/approve of anything (a gift/ a purchase/ a deal) because you think “this is SO me!”.

Have you ever refused/declined anything because you think “Oh! This is SO NOT me!”

After all the outfit, the purchases, the activities…is the personality complete? Are you happy?

Or are you still craving for more pieces of the jigsaw that make up your character? Maybe you are not craving, maybe you have no idea what to look for, or maybe you are not even looking for anything specific, but someone out there is trying to sell you a piece of that jigsaw.

Who actually are you trying to represent?

Who are you trying to impress with your representation? Your friends? Your family? Yourself? Are you impressed by yourself so far?

Maybe it’s time for a break-up with your love interest, which is yourself.

Detachment

Imagine there’s no possession;
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man
- John Lennon –


The simplest way to a simple life is to not own anything. Don’t own anything. Not even your heart.

Think of all the things you own as borrowing or loans which you have to return – your house, your bed, your car, your cellphone, your laptop, your attire, your designation, your rank, your salary, your trust, your respect, your love, your limbs, your organs, your senses…everything about you and related to you are just responsibilities which you will be accounted for.

Attachment

Those times when I thought I was unhappy because I was broke, I realized I wasn’t actually broke. I was just disappointed because I couldn’t have whatever it was I wanted at that time.

And those times when I thought I was depressed because I was lacking, I realized I wasn’t actually lacking. I was just not content with what I already have.

All our suffering is due to attachment – attachment to stuff we think we own, and attachment to stuff we are thinking of owning. And stuff can be people as well. The horror!

So the next time you are in pain, ask yourself:

What or whom am I attached to?
What or whom am I trying to own?
What or whom am I holding on to?
What does my heart desire?
Is it lawful? Is it unlawful?
Is it permissible? Is it forbidden?
Is it right for me?
Is it wrong for others?

If we could just get it into our thick skull the impermanency of things – love, health, wealth, beauty, the sexiness and the coolness of it all don’t last, then maybe we can move on.

Life Through My Camera Lens - a poem inspired by and dedicated to Qiqie

Life through my camera lens
Seems a little small
But as long as I break down the fence
Life is big and I shall walk tall

Life through my camera lens
Is a captured moment
Of cynical ladies and hypocritical gents
And of passing judgement

Life through my camera lens
Is a wonderful season
A bit of you, a bit of me, and hence
Life itself is my reason

5 reasons why we buy things

And sometimes regret afterwards. Look around you and the stuff you have accumulated all these years. How did it end up there?



“Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.” - Edwin Way Teale

If we really think about it, we buy things just because. Only just because.

We buy things…

Just because it’s on sale/discount: We may not need it. Maybe not now. But we buy it anyway because we think we wouldn’t get a better offer, or another just as good. So we hoard it, greedily as if there is no tomorrow. But if we really believe there is no tomorrow, why buy?

Just because it’s a bargain: It may not be on sale, but we judge the quality and think that it is too good to miss, saying, “For this same quality, I could be paying so much more elsewhere”. And so we think it is a good buy.

Just because it is nice/new/trendy: It looks nice in the magazine. It looks nice on display. It even looks nice on our friend. It looks like something we ought to have. So we buy it, thinking it would fill a void in our lives, bring it home and discover it is irrelevant and that we neither need it nor want it.

Just because it’s a (insert a brand name/character): We are not paid to wear certain brands, but some of us are proud brand ambassadors. I have a friend who is into BUM Equipment so much he has to have BUM t-shirts, BUM belts, BUM socks, BUM sneakers, BUM this, BUM that. He even bought a ring with BUM Equipment logo on it although he knew really well it wasn’t original. Oh bummer!

Just because we think we deserve it: This one is complicated. Most of the time we think we work so hard, we deserve a reward. And that reward is shopping, because we believe we have tasted success and nothing to show for it. Sometimes we are encouraged to shop. We even make purchases on credit. I guess it’s true the saying, “People spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they cannot afford, to impress people they don’t like”

5 reasons why you can't throw it a way

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. - Henry David Thoreau

1. It’s expensive. You have paid an obscene amount (by your own standard) of money for it. So you rationalize saying it’s an investment although you can’t say the item’s name without the swear-word adjective.

2. It’s charging you. You are still paying interest for it, even though you don’t use it anymore, or it’s broken.

3. It’s rare. You have spent your whole life searching around the world for it, even though now you have forgotten where you even placed it.

4. It looks like something an intelligent person would keep, even though you find it difficult to appreciate it. You keep Close Encounter of the Third Kind just because people say it’s a classic Spielberg even though the movie bores you to death. You keep a collection of books by Stephen Covey although you know the contents are all common sense, and you can’t even finish any one book. And sometimes, your “intelligence” is telling you that if you keep it long enough, it might go up in value, and you can make a fortune out of it.

5. It was a gift, even though you don’t like it, or can’t find use for it. Maybe you did, but not anymore.

Don't Be Ordinary; Be Extraordinary

What is being normal?

" 'Normal' is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car, and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it." - Ellen Goodman

So you want to choose "normal" like the rest of the crowd?

Or would you rather be different and get out of this materialistic prison?

Work vs Slavery

“Keluar pagi, balik petang, Keluar pagi, balik petang, Dapat Gaji, bayar hutang” – Ustaz Zahazan Mohamad

Funny Ustaz. In English, the above quote basically reads like this,

“Go out at sunrise,
come back at sunset;
Get salary,
pay debt”.

Notwithstanding the bad rhyme, the message does have a good message – one that we already know. It should even trigger us to evaluate the reasons why we even go to work in the first place.

Some of us love our jobs. If that’s the case, by all means, enjoy them while you still can. Just don’t let your job rule you. Don’t be possessed by your possessions. Work because you like it.

Don’t end up being a slave to your job.

Don’t lose time with your loved ones because you need that promotion.

Don’t sacrifice your passions because you want that salary raise.

Don’t delay your retirement because you have bank loans, hire-purchase and debts to pay.

5 signs you are wealthy

1. Over one billion people survive on less than a dollar a day, and you’re not one of them

2. One of every seven people in this world goes to bed hungry each night, and you’re not that person

3. Every year, 10 million children die before their fifth birthday from preventable or treatable diseases because they have no access to medicine, and they don’t include you or your family

4. Billions of people live in fear due to war, climate catastrophe or simply due to no access to clean water, but you can comfortably brush your teeth, have your bath, choose what to wear, and then go out and look good in front of people you don’t really care about.

5. 72 million children in the world have no access to education, but you can read, write, and surf the internet.

Downscale - finding focus and the essentials in life

"Back then, I didn't have a big organization around me. I was just a kid with a guitar, traveling around. My responsibility basically was to the art, and I had extra time on my hands. There is no extra time now. There isn't enough time". - Joni Mitchell

Perhaps, like most people, we just can’t seem to have the time to do what we want to do. It’s not about acquiring skills or having talent. Maybe it’s just that. Time. We don’t have enough of it.

Juggling from office work to getting caught in rush hour traffic; from home chores to helping the kids with their homework; from cooking to washing; from cleaning to drying; you just can’t figure out how people actually enjoy their hobbies – how people actually have hobbies at all.

No doubt we have too many commitments on our list. The solution: Downscale your activities, lose the time-wasters and get to the essential.

Of course, this sounds easier than it actually is, because it’s a choice we are making.

To play badminton outside? Or to stay inside and watch TV?

To start cross-stictching? Or to continue the unfinished book?

To write a book? Or to read the newspaper?

To learn the guitar? Or to check out the latest fashion in Cleo?

To ride the bicycle and get some exercise? Or to go fishing?

Sometimes, we simply have too many interests. We can’t have them all. We don’t have the time. We have to decide. The choice will be based on what is essential to our life’s goal.

To play bowling this weekend? Or to visit our parents?

To take a part-time job? Or to volunteer for charity work?

To watch HBO? Or to recite the Quran?

To sleep and overcome the day’s stress? Or to wake up and pray?

Patient Attention; Not Talent

“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been due more to patient attention, than to any other talent” – Isaac Newton

Do you consider yourself a badminton player, although your racket is stored way deep under the staircase? Do you consider yourself an artist, although now your watercolor paints have cracked and dried? Do you consider yourself a drummer, although your drumset is sitting in the garage untouched? Do you consider yourself a cross-stitcher, although all you do is sit in front of the TV all day?

Maybe you just like the idea of being.

Maybe we did have an interest or a hobby of some kind at some point. But we stopped. Why? Did our passion die? Or did we suddenly realize we are nowhere near as good as those sportsmen, artists, musicians and all? We usually blame our lack of talent. We stopped because we believe we lacked talent. But still, we hang on to the hardware. We hold dear our stuff – the same way I did with my helmet, because the idea of me being a racecar driver is too cool to let go.

Although I finally did let it go, I am not in any way discouraging anybody from enjoying their hobbies. My opinion is this – don’t take it too seriously. If it has been THAT important to you, you would have pursued your hobby like nothing else matters. If you believe you lack talent, good. It’s better to admit that you have no talent, than to believe that you have and then despair for the fact that you cannot excel with that talent.

So take it easy. Relax and enjoy the moment – doesn’t matter how you fill that moment – clay modeling, wood carving, photography.

Trust me, if your first guitar lesson didn’t create a good G-chord sound, your next one will. Just give your hobby a little patient attention.

5 ways to tell you don't need to keep it

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” - Albert Einstein

1. You haven’t looked at it/used it/worn it since last year

2. You are spring cleaning your room, which you haven’t for the last 6 months. You are going through your stuff. You are not looking for anything specific, but you find something and you go, “Oh, here you are!”

3. You even forget you actually own it, until someone mentions it to you, “Didn’t you use to have that…”

4. You get something nice, but haven’t anything that matches it. So you want to go out and get something that goes with it. My advice, don't.

5. You use the word expressions like “One day” or “One of these days” to describe it ie “One day, I will find a use for it” or “One of these days, I’ll find the time to learn it” or “I’ll repair it one day”. Trust me, if that day didn’t come in the last 6 months, it will not come.

5 things you shouldn't buy when expecting a baby

Or rather, things you shouldn’t have bought if they are now clutter in your home.

Once the Sahaaba (RA) were discussing some worldly aspects. Rasullullah (SAW) addressed them and said: "Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan - Abu Dawood

1. Baby Pram/Stroller: You won’t be taking a stroll in the park anytime soon after you give birth. So this thing is unnecessary - at least until you or your baby, are really ready to take a stroll, by which time your interest would probably have died, or someone would have given the pram to you as a gift.

2. Baby basket/carrier: What is wrong with carrying your baby in your arms? You are not about to play floating-Moses-in-a-basket, are you? A baby carrier is the knapsack that carries your baby on your back. Weird stuff. Someone gave this to me. I never used it. Sometimes I see mothers taking their babies window shopping. The mall should be the last place you want to take your baby to.

3. Baby car seat: If your babies are already able to sit, then they will sit in the car just fine. If they are not yet able to sit, then they are not about to move around – so lie them down on the back seat and cushion them with pillows. Put extra pillows in the rear leg room in case they should roll forward when you emergency brake.

4. Baby cot: I have seen these things end up with a pile of clean laundry in it. What’s wrong with your baby sharing your bed? You are not about to have sex anytime soon for at least 2 months. Your husband can sleep on the floor.

5. Baby changing table: Doesn’t matter if the one you saw can be dismantled and turned into a study desk. Your parents raised you without it. You don’t need this to raise your children.

5 ways to tell if whatever you think you own, owns you

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb-nail.” - Henry David Thoreau

1. You worry like hell when you have to leave it for a few days

2. You make space for it even though your home is small

3. You clean it/organize it/rearrange it even though you know you could make better use of your time

4. You repair it/maintain it/insure it even though you are on a tight budget

5. You feel you need to move to a bigger house. And when you do, it takes a 3-tonne lorry to move your possessions.

Let it go NOW

If there is any money left when I die, it's strictly mismanagement on my part.-Tony Jeffries

We have too much stuff in our homes. 90% of it is not used or looked at 90% of the time. Why are we still hanging on to it?

Life is passing us by, very quickly. And our stuff is tying us down. Let go of the ballast.

If we intend to leave our stuff up to our descendents when we die, what is wrong with giving it away while we are still alive? For all you know, what you treasure now may be trash to them.

Give things away while you still have the chance.

time is all you want and need

Time in the wild reminds me how much of what I ordinarily do is mere dithering, how much of what I own is mere encumbrance. The opposite of simplicity, as I understand it, is not complexity but clutter. - Scott Sander

My friend currently working at Flextronics will be out of work come April. My wife’s cousins who worked at Toshiba and NEC have been laid off much earlier. Notice they are all in the electronics industry.

We are experiencing the rippling effects of the economic turmoil, but at least we learn something – when money is tight, people don’t see electrical or electronic gadgets as essentials in life.

It makes us think about the stuff (electronic or otherwise) we have in our homes and whether it really makes us happy. Happy for a moment, maybe. But content? I don’t think so. We always seem to want more. In the end, we end up working for the rest of our lives to pay for the stuff we thought would make us happy.

I made so many mistakes in my life. Although mostly financial (spending on non-essentials), they led to many bad outcomes on relationship, friendship etc, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually etc.

Not to sound morbid, but on our deathbed, I bet we wouldn’t be worrying about that IKEA sofa bed on discount, the 42” flatscreen TV on offer, the PlayStation and the Guitar Hero game combo, the iPhone our friends bought, or the Proton Exora people are recommending.

On our deathbed, we wouldn’t be worrying about the holes in our socks, or the crack in our windshield.

On our deathbed, we wouldn’t be wondering if our office colleague was a B-cup or a C-cup bra size. (Well, ok, that’s just me when I am really alive and kicking. But I’m kicking the habit! Cut me some slack, will ya?)

On our deathbed, we would instead be thinking, “How I wish I had spend more time with/on…”

The keyword is “time”. Time with our family. Time with friends. Time with nature. Time with oneself.

They say time is money. That’s not true. Time is more valuable than money. Time makes us happy. We never even realized that. And time is free.

Less Tool; More Work

The greatest wealth is to live content with little. - Plato

Men never talk about wardrobe, but I’m willing to make an exception. I have downsized my wardrobe and intend to keep things minimal. My professional outfit collection now consists of:

Four work shirts, for the five-day work week. Yes, one gets worn twice in the same week.
Two black pants, one I keep in the office, the other at home
One black neck tie. I gave away all the other neck ties.
One black jacket, which I keep in the office for business meets
One batik shirt, for batik-required functions
One black baju Melayu suit, for national functions
Two black pairs of shoes, the good pair in the office, the slightly holey at home

So those are my professional outfit. I say “professional”, because these are just tools for the job. When I retire, these are quite useless.

I don’t wear jewelry, not even a ring. I don’t wear a watch anymore since my Breitling broke. I don’t wear belts, and I definitely don’t accessorize myself with cufflinks or tie-pins.

As for my wife, I’m imagining her ideal wardrobe would be:

Five blouses
Three pants
One pair of sandal
One pair of shoes
Two, maybe three baju kurungs for special occasions
At least 30 pieces of lingerie

Well, the last item I admit is quite a lot, but lingerie involves very little fabric.

Downsize

Most of the luxuries, and many of the so-called comforts, of life are not only dispensable, but hindrances to the elevation of mankind. - Henry David Thoreau


From downshifting to downsizing. It turns out, my unused helmet and entire miniature car collection weren’t the only things I got rid of.

I held a garage sale and sold some CDs, VCDs, DVDs, VHS tapes (yikes, I had been keeping them even though my VCR was broken), books, magazines (a lot of them. Really, let’s just say, you could make a 1:18 scale of the Petronas Twin Tower out of my mags), toys, artworks, a bit of furniture, Home Theatre satellite speakers (still in box!), cables and wires (they were in my tool drawer doing nothing), music sheets, wall plugs and screws (which I bought a bag full at IKEA and only used a pair – talk about a waste of resources!), t-shirts (which I got every time I attended seminars or workshops, and which of course, I wore only once) and some knick knacks.

The ones I could not sell, I gave it away. Yeah, that’s right, buyers should’ve waited until I thought I couldn’t sell.

But what does all this downsizing come to? Realization. All this while we’ve been hanging on to our stuff because we are clinging on to memories – of a person, of a place, of an experience. But once we let the clutter go, we are no longer tied to the past. We can now look forward to the future, while focusing on the present. We begin to realize what is essential, and what is not in our life.

Funny thing is, I never miss any of the stuff I got rid of, which means they were not essentials. I never needed them. Why I bought them in the first place is beyond me. Why I kept them in the house under lock and keys is really disturbing.

Downshift

You are probably already happy and just don't know it. - Dave Waxler



If there’s one thing cycling to work has taught me, it is about slowing down and enjoying simplicity.

I am no longer one in the rat race rushing through traffic to climb the corporate ladder so that I could label myself as successful and be happy.

But I can be happy even if I am not at the top of the ladder. In fact, I bet I am happier than most people at the top.

As a result of downshifting, I don’t overwork anymore. I let the Joneses keep up among themselves. My time, my health is more important.

The ladder is so high, and if only we could downshift a little, we could take pleasure from the free and beautiful things in life – the sun, the rain, the rocks, the mud, the hills, the streams, the birds, the butterflies…the list is never-ending.

The need to unwant

I once had a sparrow alight upon my shoulder for a moment, while I was hoeing in a village garden, and I felt that I was more distinguished by that circumstance than I should have been by any epaulet I could have worn. - Henry David Thoreau

Last year I sold my full face go kart helmet, which I had been keeping even though I had stopped racing for so many years. Before I sold it, I asked myself why it was so difficult to make myself part with it. I knew I would not be racing again. I knew my children wouldn’t wear it even if they share the same passion – no, not with that smell and outdated styling.

So why did I keep it? Must be for sentimental reasons. I think I know why. I was holding on to this image of whom I thought I was. I wanted my children to know that their father had passion for car racing and the helmet was the proof. I wanted to remind myself how wonderful track driving was and the helmet was the reminder. But the helmet was sitting there occupying space and never made me happy since I last wore it. In fact, it hurt me more that I had to store it, and checked on it every now and then to ensure it didn’t turn into animal bedding. It was costing me space, time, money and energy – physically and mentally. Trust me, it wasn’t sentimental. It was hypocrisy.

I decided it was time to let go. Not just the helmet, but the fake image that came with it. The pretentious me, myself, I.

I even sold, giveaway and donate my miniature cars that I passionately collected, because the longer I kept them, the more I wanted to collect. And unfulfilled wants would only make you depressed.

I let go some books as well, because they were not read. I never had pleasure reading them, and keeping them would only bring out the fake image of a well-versed intelligent person – as if I wanted to show off when visitors came by.

After all the letting go, I began to understand that those things that I thought I owned actually owned me. I now live with minimal possession and clutter. I am liberated. I am happier. Happy that I am slowly disowned by my stuff. Happy that I am killing all images that I was trying to build of myself. Happy that I discovered a new need – the need to annihilate the self to be selfless.

The Want That Got Away

We fill the hands and nurseries of our children with all manner of dolls, drums and horses, withdrawing their eyes from the plain face and...Nature, the sun and moon, the animals, the water and stones which should be their toys. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My daughter Hannah got 100% for two papers in her exam last week. My wife and I were willing to reward her for her achievement, but we could not decide what to buy her. Hannah could not tell what she needed or what she wanted either.

Isn’t that nice? To have no knowledge of what we want? And therefore, no desire. Every material thing will seem insignificant. It would then be easier to get rid of stuff that we have been keeping and to drop the idea to buy more stuff – stuff that we thought we want.

Yes, the cliché advice is that we need to distinguish between our needs and wants, so that we budget better and contribute better to the development of our own family and the community. But it’s easier said than done, because unfortunately, there’s a fine line between need and want. A very fine line. Most of the time, we want a thing so bad we rationalize that we need it.

A wise man used to pray, “Lord, protect me from what I want”.

I used to have a similar wish – “I want nothing”. Or, “I want not to want”.

Then again, wanting nothing or wanting not to want is still a want. Tough shit!